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The non-depressed spouse will often think: "How can he be depressed? Clayton, MD, professor of psychiatry and neurobehavioral sciences at the University of Virginia, Charlottesville.
But sometimes, one has nothing to do with the other.
Depressed people often stop eating much, or overeat, and may have difficulty concentrating and conversing.
"The depressed person often feels responsible, but they feel like they can't do anything about [their inertia]," says Ahrons.
When he was at work, he worried that his wife was so depressed she wasn't paying needed attention to the baby.
He became so worried he secretly set up a "nanny cam." She got more and more depressed; he got more anxious, angry, and resentful.
Sherman, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Lancaster, Pa., who saw the couple in counseling.
Depending on the extent of the depression, the depressed spouse often tunes out and gives up on life.
A depressed person may sleep too much, or too little.
"The other partner either has to do things on their own or stay home, too," she says.
If a partner has never been depressed, he or she may have a hard time understanding the mood disorder.